Most life insurance companies will turn their back on you if you're a non-resident.

You're dead to them.

Apart from one.

You're looking for a mortgage protection policy:

You're probably  looking for the best priced mortgage protection policy.

But will you find the best value mortgage protection policy?

You will if you keep on reading.

It's common for a parent to help out their child by acting as guarantor for their mortgage.

But what if your bank insists they need to pay through the nose for life insurance too?

What are your options?

Irish banks have offered split mortgages for borrowers who are having difficulty keeping up with the mortgage repayments.

If you can’t afford the full mortgage repayment each month but have the means to make a partial payment, the bank will split your mortgage in two (hence the name).

You continue to make payments on one part of the loan (called the active part) while the bank sets aside or “warehouses” the mortgage balance until you're in a better financial position.

Birthdays are important because age is the one thing that will always increase the cost of your cover

You might say:

But what about smoking

I say:

Good point but you can always quit and make yourself a non-smoker.

You can’t make yourself younger.

Or can you?

So how do you go about getting a mortgage?

Well, if you’re in Dublin, you’ll probably look at house prices, cry a bit and give in to the inevitability of having to live out of your parent’s gaff for the next decade.

Be grand.

For everyone else? Follow along.

You're here because you're getting a mortgage, welcome, thanks for joining us.

But before we go any further, I have something to tell you.

Are you sitting comfortably?

You won't believe what I'm going to say.

Are you ready?

Here goes:

Your bank may be telling you porkies

When you're getting a mortgage, you have to get a mortgage protection policy and assign (pass ownership) it to the bank.

If you die, the policy pays out a big lump of money to the bank to clear your mortgage. That all seems fair enough.

However, and here's the sneaky part - if you add serious illness cover to your policy and make a claim on the serious illness (say you get cancer or suffer a heart attack), who do you think gets the money?

Well, hello there

I've been expecting you.

I take it you're here because you're not happy, actually let's call a spade a spade, you're effing ragin' that your mortgage protection premium is so high.

Excellent, I like you already.

You shouldn't be happy, don't just take the first offer, you should shop around and try to get a better quote.

That's how a lot of our customers end up here.

High there

So I guess you’re here because you (or a friend) smoke weed or have done so in the past.

And you’re wondering whether you should disclose this on your application form.

Am I right?