1 in 5 Irish people live in rented accommodation.

If you're one of them, you need to read this.

Or don't and just go and get some income protection asap.

Remember that beautiful fully-furnished house you viewed and fell in love with?

Well, congratulations, it's your new home.

Sounds a bit empty doesn't it, a bit echoey?

That's because the feckers who sold the house took EVERYTHING, the only place to sit is the toilet and you're lucky they even left that.

If you’re on the lookout for a new home, you should be familiar with the key clauses that make up a typical contract for sale.

You’ve probably also read about the importance of getting these right before you sign on the dotted line.

However, while many clauses are simple enough to understand, there are a few that are less straightforward — particularly those related to the purchase itself.

If you’re unclear on what each clause means, how can you know if they’re right for your situation?

Tackling a self-build, eh, you're brave...and patient...and have deep pockets, but it will be worth it in the end.

I only wish I was as brave; instead, I'm stuck with a tiny kitchen and an enormous living room. Them's the break of not designing your own gaff, I guess.

Ah well, we're lucky to have a house. I feel for those trying to buy in Ireland. What a sh1tshow it is.

But I digress.

Here are some FAQs on self-build mortgages that you might be asking too.

Most life insurance companies will turn their back on you if you're a non-resident.

You're dead to them.

Apart from one.

You're looking for a mortgage protection policy:

You're probably  looking for the best priced mortgage protection policy.

But will you find the best value mortgage protection policy?

You will if you keep on reading.

It's common for a parent to help out their child by acting as guarantor for their mortgage.

But what if your bank insists they need to pay through the nose for life insurance too?

What are your options?

Birthdays are important because age is the one thing that will always increase the cost of your cover

You might say:

But what about smoking

I say:

Good point but you can always quit and make yourself a non-smoker.

You can’t make yourself younger.

Or can you?

So how do you go about getting a mortgage?

Well, if you’re in Dublin, you’ll probably look at house prices, cry a bit and give in to the inevitability of having to live out of your parent’s gaff for the next decade.

Be grand.

For everyone else? Follow along.

High there

So I guess you’re here because you (or a friend) smoke weed or have done so in the past.

And you’re wondering whether you should disclose this on your application form.

Am I right?