Most life insurance companies will turn their back on you if you're a non-resident.

You're dead to them.

Apart from one.

You're looking for a mortgage protection policy:

You're probably  looking for the best priced mortgage protection policy.

But will you find the best value mortgage protection policy?

You will if you keep on reading.

It's common for a parent to help out their child by acting as guarantor for their mortgage.

But what if your bank insists they need to pay through the nose for life insurance too?

What are your options?

Birthdays are important because age is the one thing that will always increase the cost of your cover

You might say:

But what about smoking

I say:

Good point but you can always quit and make yourself a non-smoker.

You can’t make yourself younger.

Or can you?

So how do you go about getting a mortgage?

Well, if you’re in Dublin, you’ll probably look at house prices, cry a bit and give in to the inevitability of having to live out of your parent’s gaff for the next decade.

Be grand.

For everyone else? Follow along.

High there

So I guess you’re here because you (or a friend) smoke weed or have done so in the past.

And you’re wondering whether you should disclose this on your application form.

Am I right?

Cohabiting couple.

It’s surely the unsexiest way of referring to living with your other half. Second possibly only to ‘living in sin’ – but even that has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?

And sure, you might be perfectly happy in your unwedded bliss – but you do need to consider certain ramifications when it comes to tax.

So, you've lived in your parents' box room for 18 months, scrimped and saved, and finally have the deposit in your bank.

You've found a gaff you want to buy, been mortgage approved, and just went sale agreed.

Exciting times ahead!

But before you start planning trips to IKEA, there's an important reality check we need to discuss:

What happens if you get sick and can't work?

Yeah, I know; sorry to put a downer on things, but the next few sentences are the most important ones you will read today.

When you're buying a house, there's an awful lot of high-falutin bullshit to wade through.

Plenty of terms that the average Joe just don't know.

So to help you survive the onslaught, we've created a Mortgage Bullshit Buster, or MBB if you will.

Without further ado.

Have you had the talk?

No, not the one about the birds and the bees.

The talk....with yer man/wan from the bank.

The talk...where they corner you in a dimly lit room and put the squeeze on until you say no more and sign up for the policy they're hustling.

If you haven't had the talk yet, count yourself lucky you found this page.

If you have survived the talk without signing up, then you, my friend, are a legend. ?

But, don't worry if you did crumble - you have a cooling-off period of 30 days where you can cancel and get your money back. And even after the 30 days, you can cancel at any time and switch to a better policy.